Foster Care Class #5- DISCIPLINE!

I think this was my favorite class so far... although, they have ALL been helpful and extremely informative. I tried to take it all in last night. It was so good, I thought I'd share it with you other parents.
(Information taken from Humlong, George. "Adding to your Discipline Toolbox" 9/08)

Develop a discipline plan BEFORE it's needed. Explain it to the child so they know their expectations.

1. Be reasonable (match your expectations to the child's developmental level)
2. Explain what you want (as often as it takes, tell them why and repeat, put it in writing and post it, take photos of the good behavior)
3. Explain the consequences you are willing to put forth (take a picture of the child in time out and a picture of the toy in time out- show and explain)
4. Give the child time to process (don't give an immediate consequence)
5. Active listening (focus on the child, look them in the eye, identity their emotions, and paraphrase what you hear)
6. Do not bluff... even once (pick your battles, follow through)

Ways to deal with any behavior

• be a role model
• provide the child with time out
• provide positive reinforcers/ privileges
• take away privileges
• provide natural and logical consequences
• ignore the behavior
• ensure that restitution occurs
• hold family meeting
• develop behavioral charts
• provide alternatives for destructive acting out behaviors
• make a plan for change with child
• make a plan for change with child and a professional
• Use grandma's rule (this for that)
• help the child to understand feelings
• replace negative time with positive time

He also talked about the importance of the child seeing healthy conflict resolution between the parents. He said to discuss conflict sitting down at the table together.

Thanks George!

Temper Tantrums

Matthew loves church! He constantly talks about singing and dancing at church, however, this morning he decided he didn't like his sweater.


Matthew has finally started to test his boundaries. We knew this day would be coming. In our foster care classes we learned we were in the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is the time before the child starts to really feel comfortable and begin testing boundaries. I think we're out of the honeymoon phase! There have been two instances this weekend where Matthew hasn't agreed with what we were doing. This morning, right before we left for church, we put a sweater on Matthew. He decided he didn't want to wear the sweater. We were on our way out, it looked very nice, and it fit perfectly, so we told him he was wearing the sweater. He collapsed to the floor and started to kick and scream. Jason picked him up and took him to the timeout chair. He told him that we were ready to go to church and that we would leave as soon as he calmed down and stopped crying. He stayed put in the chair and kicked and screamed while we loaded the other two in the car. Jason kept saying whenever you're ready to stop crying you can get up and we'll go to church. Once he knew that was our expectation, he stopped crying, came in the kitchen, and said he was sorry. We told him that when he gets upset we want to talk about it, and that kicking and screaming will not get him what he wants. I am happy we are out of the honeymoon phase because that means Matthew is one step closer to feeling like he is part of our family. We are trying to be consistent. This coming week in our foster care classes we are talking about discipline. I hope we learn a thing or two to implement in our home with all three kids. We want our behavior expectations and our reactions to be the same for all.

Facebook

Jason and I finally joined Facebook this weekend. I can already feel its addictive pull! I'm not sure I can keep up the house, kids, etc, the blog and Facebook. Something may have to go.... the laundry or cooking? I better go check if I have any new friends.....

Another cute prayer

You may remember Matthew's first precious prayer (If not, look back at older posts. It was too funny). Well, he's at it again. Austin has been teaching him a prayer they say at school. Yesterday at breakfast Austin told Matthew to try to say it by himself. It was too cute! He made it a chant and added a "hey!" in the middle of it. I wish you could have heard it. It won't be the same.

"Tick, tock goes the clock and now it's time to say our prayer. Bow your head and close your eyes and this is what we say. HEY! God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food. Amen"

This and That...

So much is happening! Here is a list of some random updates/thoughts/Keith family happenings, etc.

1. On Friday, Tot's Landing called me at school to inform me that my son stuck an m&m up his nose. Apparently it was stuck so far up that the teachers couldn't see it. After some melting time, Austin blew a chocolate booger. He cried hysterically.
2. Last Wednesday I picked Matthew up from his daycare and took him (in the rain storm) to Picadome to begin testing for early start. He qualified for a referral in the area of speech. I am waiting to hear back to set up a referral (parent meeting and more testing). I don't think the entire process will happen before the end of this school year, but at least we'll have it in place by next August.
3. Matthew and his foster mom met with a child psychologist yesterday. Matthew did very well, and has another appointment next week. I hope to be involved in these appointments soon.
4. Neither birth parent showed up for visitation on Saturday. They both forgot. Matthew questioned why they didn't come.
5. We weren't at church on Sunday because we attended the baptism of our nephew Caleb. We are so proud of him and the decision he made. Amy is raising him to know and love God.
6. WOW! What a dinner the Avery's brought us on Wednesday! It was delicious- pot roast, potatoes, carrots, gravy, rolls, salad, jello, and cookies! The best part is that it lasted for our lunches Thursday and Friday and our dinner Friday night! Happily Hitched Sunday School, THIS IS A HUGE HELP! It really allows us time to focus on Matthew Wednesday night without having to eat out or worry about cooking. By the time we get home from work and drive across town to get him, I don't have time to cook.
7. Our first big homestudy for foster care is tomorrow (Wednesday). I should probably be cleaning...
8. Many of you have asked about when we are getting Matthew. As of now (and probably a month), we have him four days a week. The cabinet is trying to figure out how we can legally have him now as kinship care and switch to foster care when we are certified. Apparently this doesn't usually happen.
9. 37 days till Spain! We are getting super excited, but anxious about leaving the kids. I think we need it though!
10. Austin yelled for me tonight after going to bed. He asked if I'd lay with him. As I crawled in bed he said, "I knew you would want to mommy." As I laid down he put his arm underneath my head, and with the other hand he rubbed my face.

Valentine's Night at the Hyatt

Jason and I had so much fun this Valentine's Day! We got all dressed up for a dinner dance (Southland's Volunteer Banquet) at the Hyatt. We ate, talked, and danced with a bunch of couples from our Sunday School class. We had a ball! There was such a range in age of the couples at the event from early 20's to probably 80's. The music ranged from Baby Got Back and the Cupid Shuffle to the Jitter Bug. Everyone danced all night until the very last song was played. Of course I requested My Valentine for my Birthday Valentine. I am so glad we decided to go. We just don't get to do things like this very often!

Special Valentine from Kimmie!

Matthew's Kimmie sent us a special Valentine goodie pack! Matthew, Austin, and Maggie got new sticker sheets (which are HUGE around here), money, candy, and a card! They were so excited! Matthew kept saying, "My Kimmie" and smiling from ear to ear. The best part of the Valentine's pack..... a nice dinner out to Carino's for mommy and daddy!!! What a wonderful surprise!! I can't wait to use it. Thanks Kimmie!

Let's Play... OUTSIDE!!

Run, Run, Run! It felt so good to be able to get outside and let everyone run and play. The weather was perfect for soccer and racing. Ellie came from down the street to show the boys how it's done, and Sara and I enjoyed a few minutes to talk. Matthew got the hang of the races real fast. He ran half way, stopped, waited for the other two to run to the pole, and then started back just ahead of them! Ellie and Austin enjoyed playing soccer together. Austin loved watching daddy throw the ball high in the air and catch it. I can't wait to get the boys in soccer. The only problem is that Matthew is old enough for the 4 year old team, but Austin isn't. The cut off is March 1.

We had such a nice meal at Red Robin after church on Sunday. We usually avoid restaurants after church due to the need for a nap, but today we tried RR. It is so loud in there that my kids were no louder than any other! Maggie loved playing with the balloons. Matthew was so friendly. He said hi to everyone that walked by and thank you to the waitress every time she came to the table. Now if we can just convince him that his shirt is not a napkin!

Our FIRST Valentine's cards! The kids loved all getting a Valentine with CASH from Ma-maw and Pa-paw. They carried the money around all weekend. Somehow we still have it all! Although (as I write the blog), Maggie just ripped a dollar in half! We can tape it, right?

Our Trip to the Dentist

Today I took all three kids to the dentist for Austin's cleaning and Matthew's evaluation. Dr. Steckler is great! His office is very nice and the entire staff was wonderful! Everyone was super nice and the office was incredible. The waiting area was extremely clean and so fun for the kids. After being called back, they took a picture of the kids with Dr. Steckler, printed it out, and gave it to them in a card. They also got a tattoo, stickers, toothbrush, goodie bag, and a treasure. What's not to like? I was afraid that Austin wouldn't cooperate, and that Maggie would crawl all over the place. Thankfully, I was wrong. Maggie sat in the same spot eating a banana watching intently. Austin and Matthew laid in the chair perfectly, and let the doctor look and clean. Austin had a little set back between the top and bottom cleaning. He was not happy having the bottom cleaned. He wanted to be finished after the top, but he cooperated and let them finish. He quickly forgot about his discomfort when he visited the treasure chest! The visit ended with them playing videogames.... not that they had a clue how to play!


I am going to get very familiar with Dr. Steckler's office over the next few months. Matthew had 8 of 10 upper teeth with cavities. Please pray for his comfort and our schedule.

Precious Prayer

When we pray with Matthew at night he repeats what we say. Tonight, I was praying with him while Jason was with Austin. Here is how it went...
Me-Dear Jesus
Matthew-Dear Jesus
Me-Thank you for our time together.
Matthew-You're welcome.

I laughed out loud. We are so blessed! Thank you God for my family.

Wonderful Winter Weekend

This weekend we headed to Granny and Grandad's for a FUN weekend with family. Amy, Caleb, and Anna were there too. The boys had so much fun playing with the two Nerf guns that Caleb brought, however, we had a problem... there were only two. Jason ran out and bought two more. Greene, Jason, and I had as much fun playing with them as the kids did. We should have bought even more. We ran all over the house shooting each other. Granny will probably find bullets for the next few weeks.

You better wear your safety goggles!

Maggie just liked to find the bullets and chew on them.

We learned so much about Matthew this weekend. He opened up immediately to Granny and Grandad, and quickly began to act just as Austin and the other grandkids did. I believe he felt accepted, comfortable, and loved. I learned that Matthew LOVES his vegetables! I was shocked! Granny made marinated vegetables... broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes, and zucchini. Matthew ate FOUR servings! He had three servings of the meat too. When he was all finished I noticed that he hadn't even touched his macaroni and cheese. I hope he positively influences Austin in this area! My fear is that Austin will make sure Matthew knows that you aren't supposed to like those things.

Matthew eating a tomato

For breakfast Granny made biscuits, sausage gravy, and eggs. Yum! Matthew wanted to help Granny. He rolled the dough and cut the biscuits. He did a great job!

Sunday afternoon Jason's family always goes to Great Granny's house for lunch. Austin couldn't wait to take Matthew to see Jesse and Great Granny's cows. It was a beautiful day! We walked with Jesse to feed the cows, and came back covered in mud! The boys thought it was funny to look out for the cow poop. They kept saying it over and over again.

We ended the weekend with a visit with Matthew's daddy Daniel and mommy Angie. We met them at the mall. It was nice to see Matthew with his birth parents, but this is going to get harder and harder. As he is with us more and more, we are learning how to parent him. We discipline him and love on him as he is ours, however, we wanted to step back and let them be with him and parent him. Jason had to remind me to back off and let them do their thing.

Taking him back after being with him for five days was difficult. It made it better knowing we'd be getting him again the next day. He will be spending the night with us tonight so we can go to the dentist on Tuesday. So, since last Wednesday to this Tuesday we have been with him everyday. What a blessing! I am off school again today (something must be going on with the power??), so I could have kept him. As soon as Austin woke up today he asked if Matthew was awake too. He was sad to hear that he wasn't home. We'll go get him as soon as we can this afternoon.